Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
