Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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