my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
