guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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