You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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