True but thats because hes a fetus.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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