Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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