"it" just moved
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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