idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
