Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
