I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How external is "for external use only"?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
