I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
