So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
