Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
