That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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