just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
