he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
