Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
