i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
