THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
