she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
