I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
