i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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