You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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