my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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