"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
