I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You ruined the universe
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
