this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
