I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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