I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
