Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
