I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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