dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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