therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
