I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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