guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
