Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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