he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
