O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
