The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
