I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize