She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
