she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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