i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
