remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
