We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
