Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
