From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
