So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
