Plan B is the new Plan A
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
