My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
