I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
