is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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