there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
