she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
