Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
