Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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