I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize