You work out of a Hotel?
too bad you live with your parents still
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
