I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
be right there i have to get my cape
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
