I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
