I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
