Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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