ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
