Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
