either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
